Irrumabo pacem para bellum - or why you need to be prepared

[Darwin Crawford]

Well, assuming google translator is working, what that title says is "F*ck peace, prepare for war".  My coach also has that tattooed on his side.  What can I say? Marines are simply unique humans.  

I wanted to share this story with you lovely BP members, as a reminder of what can happen in landlording, and why I really, really value preparation.  

**Full Disclosure** - I brought this on myself. No one to blame but me. Accepted, and moving on. 

Enter my tenant.  Let us, for the sake of this story, call her "Jane".   

Jane is roughly 50, a hairdresser, rents one of my commercial suites, and is, at her core, a human being of stunning mediocrity.  She thrives on conflict, is completely selfish, thinks she knows rentals cold (because she rents her old condo out), and is currently, a giant pain in my ***.  Her hair, on any given day, has the color and texture of a superfund cleanup site, and can only be described as "colors that do not occur in nature".  I'll let you fill in the rest of the blanks.  Yes, I inherited her with the building.  Lucky me.  

Now, before you assume that this is one more rant about a terrible tenant, let me assure you.  It kinda is.  It is also a glimpse of my day as a now full time landlord/investor.  But it is hopefully more about the 30,000 foot view of this game, and keeping yourself sharp.  Its how you win, and winning can be profitable.    

I am in the voluntary process of renovating and stabilizing my commercial building.  Running renovations with tenants in place is a god-awful pain in the ***.  I know this, and I knew it going into the fight.  Oh well.  Gotta do something for kicks.  

Long story short, Jane is upset at me for offering (not requiring) her a downsize in her lease, after refusing her request for sub-letting a room out.  The details aren't important, but she is ranting and raving at me about how I'm a greedy pig. 

At this point, I've had enough women in my life, of various capacities, who have gotten upset to not loose my cool.  The hillbilly roots I have are itching for a conflict.  I know I'm right, I know my rights are iron-clad in the eyes of the law, but the fundamental rule of negotiating is that you have to define your win.  And then go for it.  So I don't rise to the bait.  

I want Jane to move her stanky hairdresser equipment so I can rent to a nice CPA who is so serene and predicable that it made Buddha cry sweet tears of jealousy.  I also want Jane to think she has "won" so she will quit bothering me.  All while increasing her rent.  

My last job required me to be able to sit in silence with another human, either on the phone and/or in person.  Try it, tougher than you might think.  But its a cultivated skill, and right now, Jane is crumbling.  You wait them out.  Stare at a spot between their eyebrows, most people can't tell you're not looking them in the eye.  

Getting good at negotiating requires you to put aside your ego (tough for me and a lot of other people), and ask calibrated questions, many of which make me sound like a slobbering moron.  Again, difficult to learn, but after a half-dozen of them, Jane cracks further.  My past sins as the world's worst landlord begin to vanish like a desert mirage.  She is "beating" me down, bit by bit, and convinced that this deal is right for her.  I am "giving in" and "making it work", asking questions that solve her narrow world view of "f*ck everyone else who is not me", and seeing the triumph in her eyes.  

It probably helped that I went over her lease and explained exactly how much money I can legally collect out of her or she can leave.  But maybe it didn't.  

The point to all this is:  conflict and struggle are part of this game.  like any other human being, under stress you fall to your highest level of preparedness.  if you don't have a plan going into a tenant conflict, you are going to follow their plan.  not a great idea.  the best fights are the ones you don't have.  

as of this morning, Jane has decided that she is going to do what I want her to do.  the icing on the cake is that she thinks it was her idea.  now I get another paying tenant in my building, and less (maybe none, but c'mon, its jane) flak from this lumpy terror of a human, and it cost me basically nothing.  

But I came to the fight prepared to win.  

Happy investing.  

 - Darwin