Who wants to finance me?

[Damien Kirrmann]

I own my house outright. My credit score is around 800. Never been late in a payment. Always paid in full. Over $100,000 in the bank. But, but, BUT: no W-2s and no employment. Because of this I have been struggling for years to get financing. It infuriates me because if only I could get a conventional loan like everybody else, I would be rich by now. 

The recent negative trend of central bank interest rates just reminded me about how cheap financing is to everybody else (who aren't half as responsible with their money or debt as I am) and how financing would change my investment life... so I started screening the internet one more time trying to find something. And I am here to ask you this question:

Is there any hope? Who would finance someone like me, and what interest rate can I expect? What should I try? I might want to add that I can prove some monthly income (but not with a W-2, probably with just common sense, affidavits, or bank account activity).

Thank you all for your suggestions and help.