Lamest excuses for late rent

Had dinner one night last week with another guy who has had rentals for about 15 years and naturally the topic turned to deadbeats and why it's not their fault that they don't have the rent. The following is a compilation of some that had happened to us or that we had had first hand knowledge of:

Tenant called to say he's on the way over with the rent, I asked "full amount", he said "full amount. Hour and a half later he shows up (it's about a 10 minute drive) but he's about $300 short. What happened? "I saw a cool stereo system at the store and had to have it". I said hold on while I make a receipt for you. I typed him up a "3 day letter". Adios

Tenant said he was short because "dude, I had to get new tires for my 'TA' (that's a Trans-Am), last time I ever rented to anyone that was too much of car guy. Adios

Tenant says he started a new business, as a sheetrocker. I told him "no, you didn't start a new business, I did since you did it with my money". Also since sheetrocking is 90% labor and I figure you're stealing the raw materials from your boss". Besides, if I want to start a business, I'd start something more profitable. Adios

While I was repainted a place after an eviction the former (I was sleeping there) the former tenant came by and tried to steal a window A/C unit. He tried to tell the cops that he had purchased it and therefor he could take it. As he had been in the house 2 years and the unit was about 10 years old the cops told him if he came back around they would arrest him. Adios .

Called the tenant on the 3rd when the money wasn't there, he said "well I had it on the first, but when you didn't call I spent it". Adios.

Had a Realtor show up with a prospect one time, I thought it might be a bit odd that (1) most houses on the MLS were less money than mine, (2) agent had already printed and made copies of the applicants credit report, (3) tenant was driving his own (kind of a beater) car, while agent was in his (nice) car. Looked over the credit report and one of the things on it was a year old GMAC loan and some other stuff that didn't seem to fit the tenant (he looked like a "payday loan" kind of guy. I asked for his license and he handed it over, GUESS WHAT, not even close to the same name as that on the credit report. Adios

These are just a few that came to mind. What are some of your favorites.

all cash