Wholesaling message needs revision

[Steve Franco]

Hey all,

So I've done my first two waves of wholesaling letters recently, and I think a lot of things need revision, so I need your help.

Out of 1,200 letters I have received maybe 10 phone calls, which is absolutely HORRIBLE.  I think the issues with it are a few.

1.  I think my letter is possibly too long.  Maybe I'm over explaining what I'm doing which is coming across as desperate.

2.  I don't have a local number.

3.  I don't have a business name.

So I'm thinking of making it more short and to the point, as well as using a local number, and POSSIBLY starting it as an official business, so it's not like i'm some random guy asking to buy their house.

What works for you guys?  I'd love to see what messages you all send out that have worked for you, as well as get your thoughts on the whole thing.

Thanks!