How do I convince my wife?
El Paso, TX · Member since 2008 · 43 posts · 1 vote
My wife is not too keen in investing in real estate, she just wants me to stay in the army and depend on them untill I reach retirement. How can I convince her to agree with me about investing in real estate, also how can I get her to read any of the investing books that I have read in order to have a remote understanding as to waht I want to do?
I'm a little late on this, but thought I would chime in. I bought a rent house once owner finance, and did not tell my wife about it. She was not able to share in all the stress leading up to and doing the deal. After it was done, I told her that I found thie deal, and I thought we should invest in it. (a white lie :oops: ) I explained everything and what we could expect to receive a few years later when we sold it. It all seemed easy at that point, and she agreed that if it was as I said, she would be OK with it. Later I told her the deal was done. That was in a good market in Tacoma and after three years I sold it and made $50K. Since then, she is OK with the REI decisions I make. I just keep her out of the nitty gritty decisions, and we get along wonderfully.
Men hunt women nest - at least my wife is a nester.
When I told my wife about REI, she was initially totally against it. I don't blame her. Here I was asking a woman with an infant and a two year old to risk everything on what she considered to be a pipe-dream.
What made her come around? She asked me if I could guarentee that we wouldn't lose everything. My reply, "No, in fact just the opposite, we could quite possibly lose everything. But I know this: If we do this and lose everything, we will have to work for the next 40 years to be able to retire. If we don't do this, we will still have to work another 40 years. If we do this and are successful, we can retire in 10 years and both of us can stay home with the kids."
This clinched it. The bottom line: Know your wife and what makes her tick. This approach worked for me. It may not work for you. If I went behind her back and did a first deal without her knowledge (or some of the other advice given here), my next move would be on the defendant's side of the table at divorce court.
Tg
all i can suggest is try to give her the benefits of investing...give her the advantage of it.she will soon realize that it's good to invest in a real estate.
I'll share my approach here...it worked really really well...
I made good friends with one of the guys at the local REIA and my wife went over to eat dinner with he and his wife (you can see where this is going hopefully).
This guy has 75 + properties. He sees all of his kid's ball games, activities, has lunch with his wife 3 times a week, etc etc. She works because she likes what she does. They are my kind of people...they don't spend their money lavishly. But...and those of you familiar with Dave Ramsey can appreciate this....they have PILES AND PILES of cash with no debt.
After 2 hours at dinner....on the way back home, my wife was demanding that I get on track to doing what this guy has done....which is the path I'm heading down now.
Sometimes it takes a real world example and not rhetoric to convince somebody of something........
Many of these posts suggested leaving the wife, hiding it from her, lying, or telling her to basically shut the f up. First of all, none of you are Tony Soprano, and secondly this business requires morals, ethics and integrity. The last thing we need in this business is to add more crap such as the unethical guru salespeople who prey on newbie investors.
If you can not communicate with your wife, perhaps the problem is with you. I suggest getting educated first before buying anything. Once educated (and during the process) you can coach your wife and intrigue her interest. Locate quotes, stories, and columns by the nations wealthiest individuals like Trump and Buffet. They are always encouraging RE as a viable investment and wealth building vehicle. There are also statistics that show that of the nation's wealthy, over 35% of their holdings are in RE.
In order to suceed in this business, you must be educated and must build a great team which includes your significant other.
Enough said.
My husband has a winery. And guess what - I am absolutely NOT intrested in making wine. Kill me! But I want nothing to do with it. I support him in his business (morally), but never stick my nose into it. He throws me the deals when he sees one, and, in general, helps me when he can. Being married doesn't mean that you have to live someone's life. It is an art: you live the life together. That's different.
Your comment "this business requires morals, ethics and integrity" makes no sense in this thread. He is not going to "shut" his wife, etc. He just wants to do things and she is against it. As MANY people here agreed - the best way - a good example. Show her what it can provide, and IF she is interested, she'll join you, if she's not - she'll let you do it on your own. And as someone earlier said - Make sure that you make profit on the first deal! Good luck!
As Tony once said, "it maybe 2006, but in MY house it's still 1950"
BTW: If I ever told my old lady to shut the F up, she'd kick me right in the gonad's and own 1/2 my homes.
When will us stuborn men realize that when it all comes down to it we own it all but she controls everything. I think if we have this concept of whats mine is hers and whats hers is hers then life just might be a lot easier and us men will live longer.
P.S. I had to write that my girl was standing next to me, so here is how it really is (lol just kidding), no real we need to live longer. 8)
Relax Amber, I was only expressing that the husband in question needs the support of his wife. I never said she had to be in the business. Teaching her the business as he went along was only another suggested option to have her feel more confident. Simply put, a married man will have much more success in anything he does with his wife's backing and encouragement. Strict? I do not think that is much to ask for. I get all the support I can possible get from my wife and it has made me a better investor.
Oh, I wasn't disagreeing with you about the support. But I really didn't take the comments of shutting her up, etc. seriously (plus, I didn't really see any). Of course, that would be ideal - to do thing you love with the person you love. You just kind of... jumped on everyone here) We're not being literal! Of course, men are more successful when behind his back is a supporting woman. And women wouldn't go far if we didn't have men that support us (ugh, this came out wrong, lol). But some people don't want to do what we want to do, and v/v... It is absolutely no reason to divorce…
But anyway, how is the author doing?
My wife supports my real estate business and lives the life of luxury for doing so. Of course your results will vary!! Start slowly while holding down a regular job and when your passive income is great enough or your portfolio is large enough go into real estate full time. You can't win the prize if you don't buy a ticket!
I had to convice my husband... for me, it took 2 years + of talking about it. I think it just took him a while to understand how serious I was. We now own our first rental. You just have to treat your spouse as a partner, and walk them through all of the possible scenarios. You really need to have your spouse "on board" or your life could become very miserable.
i live by the motto... "if momma aint happy.... nobody is happy" It does take time as most women (i said most, not all) hate the risk of what it takes. And especially since all they know about real estate is what they hear from the knucklehead couric!!!
You don't have to leave the military to invest in real estate. From your first post, it doesn't seem that you are going to leave. My wife and I sat down over a long weekend and put our goals on paper. Where did we want to be in 5, 10, 15+ years. Then we figured out what we needed on the financial level to get there. Actually, I was planting the seed for a more ambitious plan. Two weeks went by and I presented her with a pitch book. I detailed how we would reach our goals through real estate. The most important thing was not money rather how real estate could enhance our life together. This included more time with her and the children that we didn't have yet, long vacations to her country, and anything else I could throw at the wall that meant something to her. I also explained the risks involved and how I could minimize them. She has been on board and we haven't looked back. Without the wife on the team, life becomes very difficult and potentially dangerous. If you fail on a venture, the person you need the most must be able to help you through.
Good luck!