Meth Head

[Don Hines]

I had the thought last night to see what kind of experience might be out there with fellow BP'rs.....
I will try to be as breif as possible. My wife and I sacrificed a lot of energy, money, emotions, almost our marriage, ETC a little more than 3 years ago to get my son and his live in on the road to recovery from meth. We took my grandkids into our home as foster parents under the "supervision" of Arkansas's version of child protection (DHS). For a year and a half, we watched these two finally give into the fact that they had to clean up.
We recently discovered that the girl has done only what she needed to do to get the kids back under her roof and has returned to her drug ways. We beleave she is even selling it to support her ways.
I don't think my son is back on it. He is the only support my grandchildren get as far as meals or any parental duties. The mother is useless.
The mother and father did learn how to keep DHS from taking action again. There is always food in the fridge and the house is much more cleaner than it has ever been. My son is not the sharpest pencil in the box. He cannot take any confrontational actions. She is very abusive and she uses his truck that is in her name, to run the streets after he gets home from work. He can't keep gas in it. He has even had to bum rides to work when she hasn't returned by the mornings.
I don't think my son has what it takes to line her out. But, I can't think he is back on the hooch just by watching him with the kids. I hope I don't have a father's blind eye.
The last time we went through this, both of them were neglagent toward the grandkids. The plan of action was simple. If I take the same action, it could deprive him of the kids which I don't think he deserves; even though he can't do anything about the mother.
When women are in theis situation, there are shelters for them to get away from abusive men with their kids. How come there is no place for men to go like this? BTW My wife is not his mother. She helps; but, not like she would if it was her own kid.
Any advice (critisisim) is appreciated.
Don

[James H.]

Youy would likely have the highest benefit from attending a local alanon group. Alanon groups are similar to AA groups except that they are not for alchoholic/addicts - they are for people like you, who suffer from addiiction while not being the user. Here you can share your experience with others in similar situations and learn from each other how to handle life with addicted family members. Since many of the members have been dealing with family addiction for years and even decades, this is a great place to find practical solutions. Just Google "alanon" and you'll find several meetings in your area.

There is no way he will stay sober if there is an active user in the house. He needs to leave. But that can't really be your decision to make, unfortunately.

It is sad to see kids go through this, but what you can do is limited. One of the main prayers used by recovering alchoholic/addicts goes like this: "God, grant me the serentiy to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." I think this applies to you as well.