Are you all ready for a good joke?

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Pecans in the Cemetery

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just
nside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of
nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me, "said one boy.
Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed,
he thought he heard voices from inside the the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for
you, one for me."

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off.
Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard!
Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls."

The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk."
When the boy insisted though, the old man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..."

The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth. Let's see
if we can see the Lord." Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence,
yet were still unable to see anything.

The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence
tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go
get
those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."

They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of
the boy on the bike.

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nice jokes :)

goona add one, too...
i don't know if this had been posted here before but it's a pretty good one

Flowers show you care...

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it said "Rest in Peace".

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said:

"Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying 'Congratulations on your new location'."