LOCK YOUR BEDROOM DOOR. PUT AWAY YOUR VALUABLES NOW!
Seriously, go buy a lock and install it on your bedroom door. Lock it each and every time you leave the house, and also when you're home. Lock your valuables-- purse, wallet, phone, computer, jewelry box, car, etc. Password protect everything-- PC, phone, etc. Remove anything of value that you don't want taken or damaged from the common areas--- whether it's an heirloom vase or a nice TV. Lock. It. Down.
I have roommates and find them on Craigslist and online postings.
I have a whole process to screen them. I pick and choose who sounds decent of the inquiries, search for their Facebook/Twitter/etc., then search their school/job info, then public records, then court records, then Google their name. If they say they want to apply and sign the lease, I then run their app. If I'm unsure about them, and sometimes for anyone, I wait 1-2 days. How they reply and ask me if they were approved tells me what kind of person they are. Some of them literally get mad if you're slow to reply to their application, or even their first e-mail they sent you. I like to see patience.
My lease is 30 days. I specifically mention conduct and no profanity or offensive language in my lease. I mention to wall painting, no cabinet painting, no smoking on the property, the maximum number of overnight guests I allow, and that no tenant or guest should disturb other tenants with excess noise or the quality or frequency of their guests. Definitely no Paypal or anything other than verifiable funds. No pets. Pets always end up a hassle in roommate situations.
I, too, learned the hard way.
I had a tenant who was a little profane and tried to get in my face a little when I told the tenant they had to put their pet away from then on because it kept damaging my house. They tried to get in my face and they tried to piss me off. I tried not to laugh at them. I simply repeated myself over and over, very pleasantly "Your pet will need to be put away at all times that you are not present if you wish to continue living here." I repeated that about 5 times. The tenant told me you said that. I repeated it again, with a smile on my face, then walked away. The same tenant started slamming doors at another point. I simply said "I don't tolerate that behavior. If you wish to stay here in my house these last 30 days, your attitude needs to change, and it needs to change right now. I don't allow that in my house." I smiled, and walked away. So did a more... muscular... relative of mine repeated the same thing to them in my presence. It worked. Their attitude changed and did a total 360. Whether or not I *could* have made them leave before 30 days is another matter. My view was... if they're physically threatening to me, I'm not taking a chance to my actual safety. My area also doesn't require much notice to owner-occupied roommate situations, especially not ones where the owner is being physically threatened, so you might not be able to do this.
I would ignore the tenant as much as possible. Lock your bedroom door. Perhaps do what I did and say you don't tolerate that sort of behavior in your home, or perhaps just say "we'll talk it over when you calm down."
Next time, I would not send someone a text message accusing them of using your bath towel. Wait until they're home, and ask if they used it "might have used it by mistake... " and that you "noticed it smelled and wondered if someone else might have used it, or if it got moldy." Find a non-accusational way to do it.
Also, you might try to find someone a little older and more mature. I try to find 25 years and up. 23 year olds I've had weren't very mature and ended up whiny, messy, irritating, and didn't understand how much things they damaged or broke cost. I don't accept under 21, no way no how. I probably wouldn't accept under 22. 22 might be ok... 18-21 is still in the messy party stage of life.
I don't accept people without a job, nor do I accept night workers or at home workers for my roommate situation.
If a student, I sometimes ask for a copy of their schedule or transcript to "verify" they're a student. I want someone who has class more than 2 days a week. The more they are home, the more utilities they use and the more free time they have to party and disturb me/neighbors. Same if they have a job... I want someone who either works full-time or attends school full-time with fairly regular hours. I ask for rental references, but haven't always called on them--- I pull property tax records to see if the landlord name they gave me really owns the property or not.
Definitely no work at home types, definitely no online college students, definitely no one whose parents pay all their bills while they literally do nothing all day every day. That would be expensive in utility use if they sat home all day all the time. My area allows me to pick whoever I want in owner-occupied rentals, but I CAN'T advertise this in my online rental listings.
I tell people I want a roommate who is independent and generally does their own thing, and that we don't see each other that much. I tell them I want someone who is very quiet, responsible, and clean. I tell them I work hard, and enjoy coming home to a quiet place and a person who is over the party at home stage of life.
I usually make them come over once to see it, once to apply (if they didn't already apply when they first saw the place... usually they do), and once to sign the lease. I observe their behavior and see if they seem easy going. Sometimes I'll even be a little (note, a little) pushy and see if they're easy-going or a combative b**ch. Not that I'm screwing with them, but I want to see how they would react if I have to tell them later that they're late on rent, need to clean more, or whatever else. I'm analyzing their personality and how they react to what I say. I usually tell them a little about myself and my past roommates. Sometimes I'll tell them about the bad roommate I had and that I had to give notice to after I have met them a few times. I'll do it casually and in a funny way on how bizarre some online roommate situations can be, or mention some funny trait about my "lawyer," just letting them know I mean business and will protect my property and do what I can to make it an enjoyable place to live. They usually are glad that I won't tolerate wild parties, drunks, smokers, overnight guests often, and all of the usual "bad" roommate traits. I'm not saying you should do all this right now, or even that you could in your area. Eventually it just kind of becomes a routine task when screening roommates. I get some seriously crazy roommate inquiries. Most of the inquiries I get are so bad that I don't even reply to their first inquiry. I get people who were evicted that day, people who have assault records, and all sorts of ridiculousness. I look up free public records, FB, and court records on prospective roommates before I even show them the place. I don't want to waste my time on thugs, deadbeats, evictees, and psychos.
Of course, make sure you can do any of these things in your area.
It sucks, but after this you'll learn. I've had good tenants ever since. I screen them pretty well, and my lease got REALLY LONG after that first bad tenant I had.
Also be sure that you can afford the place/whatever on your own and don't NEED the rent. If you direly need their rent, you'll want to take any applicant that comes along. Don't. The first bad tenant I had I went against my better judgement of them and accepted them because I was tired of looking for tenants and wanted the money. Don't NEED the tenant... let them be an extra.
No legal advice here either. California is probably much, much different than my state. My state is more lenient on owner-occupied rentals.
The guys above have good suggestions about "cash for keys" (wait until after they move out, and give you the key in hand).
If you don't do cash for keys, I wonder if you should do some certified delivery or something of the 30 day notice? She was given verbal notice... is that enough? (I'll let the guys on here answer that one.)
I wonder if you should (can?) say if your aunt own's it, you "own" it, or you just have a landlord and are subletting. I wouldn't let someone know your aunt owns it. I'm not sure if you could legally say that you own it, but you might get more tenant respect if they thought you owned it and were protecting your house and had 100% power to evict. If you say you lease it, at least you could blame the "landlord" (your aunt). They might not understand if you're overly protective of the property if you just "rented it."
Just remember, it's business, not personal.
If you feel threatened, call 911 or leave the property.
Lock your bedroom when home and when away. Lock any of your valuables or prized belongings. Remember that it's just temporary, that they're laughably bat***t crazy, and that this will be over soon. Get yourself some earplugs and ignore them. I would even smile while ignoring them knowing that I had a house and they didn't... especially not after 30 days.
