What direction to go

[Caitlin Daniel]

Hi, I’ve been looking into house hacking as a way to supplement my income and eventually gain financial freedom so I can be a present at-home mom. It would be my first home purchase, I have no debt and qualify for $250k with my income . Recently I’ve felt a confusing haze fall over me with goals and I’d love to hear from you that have more wisdom and experience or have gone through similar situations. 

I’m recently divorced after 10 year military relationship. We didn’t have kids but I want them. I’m 32 and female, so that’s a biological countdown(although I know I want to foster/adopt also) I’m not against being a single mom(adopting before finding a partner) but my career(forensics with the Sheriff) keeps me on call and out in the middle of the night at crime scenes so I would need a strong community support to sustain the child until I can have 100% passive income. 

After divorce I moved across the country to start over. I specifically chose Spokane, WA for many reasons and I want to stay here, raise my kids here. But, most of my family lives 3-8hrs away and I only knew one person before moving here so I need to build community.  

My dilemma is time and goal direction. 
There is SO much to learn about RE investing. Every podcast I listen to I learn something.  

I also am pursuing a side hustle of RE drone photography so I’m studying for the pilot test. I still need time to make friends to get a community to help raise my future kids until I get financial freedom. I would also like to find a new life partner which requires dating. I have a horse that I’m conditioning to compete in an 100 mile horseback race within a year or two(which also doubles as my gym/workout). I also feel called to service and so I’m involved with a local church. 

I feel like I’m an inch in 20 directions instead of 20 inches in one direction but I don’t know how to put any of them down because they all feel equally as important. I feel run-down thinking that if I put all my time into career/investment building that I’ll miss opportunity to build community and find a life partner. On the other hand, putting too much into only building connections will probably prolong my road to financial freedom. If I was 25 I would probably feel differently, but the world looks different at 32 post-divorce starting at the bottom of the corporate ladder in a new city and wanting to start a family. There are only 24 hrs in a day! 

Please help with wise words,

-Scattered but hopeful

[Vaughn K.]

So I'm a guy, 35, in a similar boat kind of... I dated 2 girls for a combined total of 10 years in my 20s and early 30s, and am feeling the pinch to actually find one worth having kids with. I don't have quite the biological clock that a woman has, but in practical terms I don't want to be having my first kid when I'm 50 either! So I get where you're coming from.

In my thinking on the subject, the reality is you need to put having a family first... Because that has a HARD time limit on it. Nobody likes to tell women that nowadays, but it's true. You can always make more money, get promotions, etc down the line, but you get ZERO do overs on starting a family that's actually biologically yours. You miss the boat and you can never have that. Ever. And the older you get, the harder it is to conceive and the higher the chances of birth defects (most people don't know it, but it's true for older men too!), so sooner is always better. It's inconvenient, but it's just our biological life cycle, and it has to be accepted for what it is. I hate how "society" nowadays tries to tell women that they NEED to put career first even if they want a family, because it's the exact opposite of the right way to go about it given biological reality. You shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to put having a family first, so don't let people head trip you into feeling that way! I'm going to be putting that as my number 1 goal in life in the coming years. 

That said, you don't have to not get other stuff done too. There's nothing that stops you from investing while you're trying to find the right person to settle down with. You can still buy a house, house hack, and then move on to the next property while dating! You can probably even squeeze in hobbies! LOL But honestly, if anything, stuff like horse racing etc is the stuff to cut if you truly don't have enough time. I've been spending less time being frivolous because I'm still knocking out financial goals, and want to get the wife thing on lock down before too long too. There are some silly things you can only really do when you're young, but you can do plenty of stuff when you're 40+ too! So I'd say go for family first, finances second, and then squeeze in the other stuff that you can. Take care of the important stuff first, right?

That's my 2 cents anyway.