Newbie Real Estate Investor Here!

[Kevin Gonzalez]

My name is Kevin and my brother Alex and I work in the healthcare field as a registered nurse and upcoming physician assistant! We love the idea of investing in our futures through real estate and we have both been listening to the Bigger Pockets podcast and reading the Bigger Pockets books as well! 

In my first post here on the Bigger Pockets forum I would like to ask for the help of an experienced investor! In particular, someone who wouldn't mind providing feedback over a mailing letter that I have created and plan to use to acquire my first mobile home property. I plan to mail this letter to roughly 25 distressed mobile homes in order to acquire a profitable fix and flip.The letter is attached below.

Best,

Kevin Gonzalez

Physician Assistant Student

& Real Estate Newbie

[Doug Pintarch]

Kevin!

Great initiative, and I think a great plan.  One thing that struck me as soon as I read your letter, though...and I'm not trying to be a wet blanket so don't take this that way, but my first impression was that you called my mobile home pretty much a lump of crap when you said "I am interested in buying a home like yours in hopes of making it look wonderful once again"!  

Would "I am interested in buying a home like yours that I can put a little rehab and updating into and keep as part of the community" and then work the rest of your close in there sound better?   

I am not a marketer or a direct mailer, just throwing you an opinion!

Stay active and positive and go!