No money or credit, plus my job stinks. (Advice request)

No money or credit, plus my job stinks. (Advice request)

Lexington, KY · Member since 2017 · 19 posts · 64 votes

Hi y'all!  Despite the dour tone of this post, I'm a genuinely happy person.  I half-need to vent, and half-need some help.  This isn't me looking for a hand-out or a pity party.  I need good, solid advice how I can make my way towards achieving my dreams.

The situation:

  • My wife lost her job shortly after Christmas and has had trouble finding something else. 
  • Her aunt and two kids live with us, and they bring in no income; in fact, they're a drain because I have to pay outrageously for a place that can fit all of us (I'm paying almost $1300 a month to rent; in Lexington, that's why on the higher end). The only relief they provided was that when my worked, her aunt watched our 4-year-old kid.
  • I work at a lower-end bank; I won't say the name, but suffice to say I get paid $12.80 an hour and have to work about 66 hours a week to make ends meet. 
  • Since December 31st I've only had 4 days off, and that was only because my wife had to have some dental work done.
  • Over the last year the bank has essentially made it impossible for promotion by removing assistant branch manager positions and almost exclusively doing outside hires for managers. 
  • Due to the weird nature of our bank, there's no room for lateral movement into commercial banking or mortgage lending or anything.
  • My wife refuses to let me kick out her aunt and cousins because her aunt is disabled (but doesn't get disability because apparently it take around 9,000 years to get approved for that) and they have nowhere to go.

Now that the sad stuff is out of the way, here are some things I have going for me:

  • Work ethic! I work 66 hours a week but I love doing it. I've gladly given up my nights and weekends when I wasn't in such dire straits because working hard is in my genes. I consistently hold more than one job and I crush it.
  • Time management: Due to the amount of hours I work, I have to structure my life around schedules; as such, I have been able to accomplish everything I need to accomplish by exercising extreme control over my time.
  • Personality. I said it at the top, I'm a genuinely happy person. I know the stuff that's happening to me is mostly my own doing, and the stuff that isn't is fixable if I'm willing to sacrifice a little, so I'm not raging at the heavens and being all 'Woe is me,' about everything
  • Budgeting! Like I said, money's tight.  Every penny is accounted for; every dollar has a place in my budget, and any extra I get (very rare) goes into a savings account to help out the next month.


Again, this isn't a pity party.  I don't need a hand-out.  I need advice.  I can't pay down my debts and build my credit until I lower my expenses and upgrade my income; I can't move until I figure out what to do about my wife's aunt; I can't take time off to interview or job hunt until my wife finds a job, but if she finds a job we essentially have to keep her aunt around to watch our kid. I feel like I know what I need to do, but it will help if I can hear it from other people.

Please, people of Bigger Pockets, give me advice.

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Member since 2016 · 13k+ posts · 12k+ votes
8y

Life is tough for those that find reasons to not change.

No pity party here. Based on pure assumptions on my part:

Your wife is not working hard enough to find a job, she has plenty of options she is not considering.

Your wife is your biggest problem in your life. She is placing her aunt and cousin ahead of her family. This needs to change or your future is not promising. Get rid of the problem.

For yourself you need to hunt for a new job that has a future. Job hunt on line and make time for the interviews. Stop making excuses.

You need to take the initiative to change your life and unload the albatross. Excuses are avoidance.

I could give you more specific advice as to what decision you are facing but it is highly unlikely you would listen.

Sorry but compassion is not in my job description. 

See this reply in the discussion

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  • Ian WalshBusiness Member
    Lender · Philadelphia, PA · Member since 2016 · 2k+ posts · 1k+ votes
    8y

    Sounds like you are pretty organized.  If you want something bad enough you will make the changes needed to get it.  Burn the candle at both ends and keep your full time job while becoming an investor.  There is a moment when the money from investing has out weighed the money from the full time job and the transition is clear.  Doing it too soon can cause massive amounts of pressure and stress that are not needed.

  • Kingston, NY · Member since 2017 · 252 posts · 138 votes
    8y
    Your wife needs a job. Her aunt needs to get on disability and may need a lawyer to do so.
  • Walnut Creek, CA · Member since 2015 · 3k+ posts · 2k+ votes
    8y

    tread lightly w/ the boss discussion.... more so if you're going to show the card that you're looking at leaving to a competitor. If it was me, I wouldn't even go down that road either they'll give you a raise (because they value your work) or they won't. If they're only giving it to you because you're threatening to leave, they don't actually value you.

  • Wholesaler · Chatsworth, GA · Member since 2015 · 4 posts · 4 votes
    8y
    Howdy, here’s my two cents: I was in somewhat of a similar situation except it’s my dad that lives with me but he pays rent and utilities just like the rest of us. I saved some money and started my own business. My wife and I researched and found viable online income. (Please be advised that there are a lot of scammers wanting to prey on people looking to better themselves.) Now, my wife works in our office and home schools our kids. I have been in the (rideshare trap, 😂) because I needed to supplement some money and it gives me an opportunity to network and find properties while getting paid. THE ABSOLUTE FIRST THING YOU HAVE TO DO IS READ SOME BOOKS AND BETTER YOUR UNDERSTANDING ON YOUR OWN FINANCIAL SITUATION. Tony Robbins would be a good one for you to start with.
  • Joel OwensBusiness Member
    Moderator
    Real Estate Broker · Canton, GA · Member since 2010 · 15k+ posts · 11k+ votes
    8y

    Didn't read all of this. From what you initially posted you have a large family and high expenses to break even each month.

    Cutting down on costs in certain areas is likely to increase your stress as a family might use those as coping mechanisms ( going out to eat, activities for the kids,etc.) If you work all the time and then when you do have free time the last thing a family will want to do is next to nothing. They will usually want to relish that time off and do something special.

    You can only save so much and inflation is rising. You need think of going to work for an investment company. Show you will do whatever it takes legally to succeed. Take every request given with a smile of gratitude and a thirst for knowledge. Nothing is off the table. If it takes making 10 bucks an hour getting coffee each day for a developer then that is what it takes to start. Taking out trash, sweeping rooms, stocking paper, whatever. It's not really the task more so than you showing the fire and hunger to succeed and not making excuses about how difficult life is or how hard it is to do something. 

    When you say no credit do  you mean BAD CREDIT or NO CREDIT as in nothing in your credit reports? If it's bad credit that would take more time to turn around then no credit. No credit you are just starting off small and building up.

    Analyze your expenses and see where it will not put undue stress on the family to save some money here or there.

  • Rental Property Investor · Brookhaven, MS · Member since 2017 · 186 posts · 108 votes
    8y
    If you want to PM me I have some opportunities in Kentucky that might move you into real estate
  • Rental Property Investor · Vista, CA · Member since 2017 · 50 posts · 28 votes
    8y

    Although I didn't read through every one, it looks like you got some great advice to mull over. One suggestion for your wife I didn't see that takes no skill, other than driving and talking to people, is working for Uber or Lyft if you have a decent vehicle. Can the aunt drive with her disability? Maybe she could do that while your wife uses public transportation for her commute. 

    Since all success begins with a dream, I do believe in getting the family on board with your dream. Does your wife like to read? Give her some success-inspiring books beginning with Think and Grow Rich and Rich Dad Poor Dad.

    Best wishes!!

  • Susan H.Pro Member
    Investor/Landlord · NWA, AR · Member since 2016 · 227 posts · 132 votes
    8y

    @Erik Mogan some great advice here!

    I grew up poor and I've lived that paycheck-to-paycheck life, so I can truly empathize with much in your story. Increasing the household income will definitely help, so keep working toward that goal. You can do this!

    I can personally testify that The Penny Hoarder and similar sites (and of course BP!) can be very helpful in pointing out what will later seem like obvious strategies. Some have already been mentioned, but I'd suggest you need to have your wife on board and make a written commitment to three things: income, expenses, and what I'll call your Family Plan. 

    Get your options and opportunities about increasing the income BOTH of you generate into writing. Back in my high school days I helped my mother pay the bills by cleaning rental units between tenants and commercial businesses after hours for a local Realtor. Now, I clean my own rentals! <grin>

    Ditto the written commitment to spending; document every penny spent. Set a limit for groceries (you'd be surprised how much you can save over time) and don't include "extras" like soda, snacks, packaged meals, etc. Every purchase must meet your criteria for "Need" and not be a "Want."  Eliminate ANY fast food or dining-out and cable/internet. (Lexington has a great library with branch locations, and I'd bet all the books and videos mentioned in this thread will be available through the library.)

    And don't forget your Family Plan. You and your wife need to reach agreement: where do you physically and financially want to be in 1 year? 5 years? 10? Write it down. Review and adjust as you go.  

    You CAN achieve your goals!

  • Charlotte, NC · Member since 2018 · 10 posts · 6 votes
    8y

    @Erik Mogan You may be able to achieve a savings of $750.00 a month very soon. It is a good thing you have given notice to your current place. Fortunately Lexington Kentucky seems to be rich in affordable housing. Three adults and three children in a three bedroom, 1.5 or two bath home or apartment for $750.00 per month seems to be do-able in Lexington Kentucky, while in difficult circumstances. That would be a $550.00 per month saving. If you go to zillow, click on the button that says Rent, type in Lexington Kentucky, click on Rent (low to high) you will be on your way to finding a place that saves you $550.00 per month. When you find a rental place that might be suitable, copy and paste the address into Trulia and click on the Crime information for the address and ensure you are selecting a safe neighborhood since there are children in your family.

    Most people save about $200.00 per month by shopping at ALDI instead of the other grocery stores. At ALDI you don't need coupons. If your family is already doing that then your savings would only be $550.00 per month. However, achieving such savings would be like one member of your extended family having a part time job.

    Many people find couponing a wonderful challenge but it can be difficult to do when the budget is very tight, but the store I suggested doesn't even take coupons. 

    After you get through the rough patch, $750.00 saved per month is a good way to save up and get ready for your entry into real estate. Checking your budget constantly and hunting for available but hidden savings can yield good results. I hope you and your family are able to swing a $750.00 or more monthly saving instead of a $550.00 per month saving. 

  • Hartford, CT · Member since 2018 · 5 posts · 1 vote
    8y
    Originally posted by @Account Closed:

    @Joe Splitrock   Social Security Disability is different state by state.  I do not understand why but there are HUGE differences on how long it takes from one state to another.

    If anyone can explain to me why people do not get equal protection when it comes to this let me know.

    Here is what I am talking about...

    https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/how-long-d...

     Seriously, Social Security is Federal. Time varies by how obvious the disability is and how up on chasing your doctor for the paperwork. You apply today, wait six months (standard everywhere) then they send you a form to take to the doc. Make the appontment way in advance so you can walk in with the form and get it done. Apply at SSA.gov. If you get deniwed and you need a hearing, then you may have a different wait time based on the number and availability in your area. But don't let your time run out. Its set up so in 7 months, if the paperwork gets in, you are straight. 

  • Investor · Princeton, TX · Member since 2014 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
    8y

    @Katherine Fournier   It was of my point that it is a federal program, the wait times vary by location, and they should not vary so much.

    The article I linked to gave some examples of the differences in wait times by location.

    Here is a longer list of wait for a hearing at different locations.

    https://www.ssa.gov/appeals/DataSets/01_NetStat_Re...

    It list the average wait for a hearing in Buffalo as 25 months.  It is only 9 months in Fort Smith.

  • Hartford, CT · Member since 2018 · 5 posts · 1 vote
    8y

    Yes, because they have to get the adjudicator to show up at a given location. Video hearings take less time. The idea is to not let that very short time frame lapse before you get the doc to send paperwork. I was not so fortunate, as my doc held my paperwork for 3 months! So the formality of a hearing becomes necessary.

  • Wholesaler · Springfield, VA · Member since 2015 · 6 posts · 2 votes
    8y

    Find a new job, banks are notorious for giving big titles and pay little money.  If nothing else move to a different bank with upward mobility.  Let the Aunt take on some extra kids to watch in the home during the day to help contribute to the family,  Take your work ethic and drive and invest in yourself. Nobody is ever going to pay you what you are worth.   If you say you can't you won't, If you say you can you will.  

  • Joe SplitrockPro Member
    Moderator
    Rental Property Investor · Sioux Falls, SD · Member since 2015 · 9k+ posts · 18k+ votes
    8y

    @Katherine Fournier it is a federal program that is state managed. Approval is NOT uniform by state. Research and you will see some states have higher approval rates and faster processing times. Just google it and you will see.

  • Investor · Bronx, NY · Member since 2015 · 52 posts · 22 votes
    8y

    I was just in Louisville the other day for 3 months. Rent is mad cheap and labor is also cheap. tons of money to go around. Post two adds on Craig's list. One saying hiring laborers and carpenters the other saying handy man special I'm a skilled carpenter. I ran a rehab project there and this is what the contractors did. Going rate is 25 for a carpenter you pay your guy's 15 to 18 then laborers go for 15 you pay your guy's 8 an hour. I did this when I was there for extra income.You could be in business for a full month with no license. Next thing, since rent is cheap you could pick up an apartment for 300 in a non desirable neighborhood and host it on air Bnb. The going rate is 40 a night there per room. You could run this from any where, put a lock box or electronic pad lock on the door then get your wife to clean when they leave. 

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