Another approach, as the property badly needs a new roof, exterior paint, fencing, etc. is to undertake that work now, if they won't relocate - keeping in mind the right to quiet enjoyment.

Paint , carpet, roof and hvac is different than load bearing walls, plumbing , floorplans and electrical systemss.

That would have been fine, but just doing that wouldn't have worked, according to 2 lenders I talked to, to justify increase in purchase price.I considered doing a very minor amount of work- just painting the house, putting new floor in kitchen or swapping out existing countertop for cheap granite- something like that.

Naturally, if you're doing a rehab for a flip you'll want to paint the entire inside and put in new carpeting. 

I recently heard a few people in my investor group talking about the necessity of having seller sign a lead based paint disclosure form when they sign the contract.  

Paint, cabinets, countertops, I'll do.

"Recently updated" - We used new carpet and paint to hide structural defects."

The house only needs minor things like interior painting and general cleaning.

For example, if we disagree over paint colors or marketing techniques, she gets final say.

You are painting the most flattering picture of yourself.