My question is this. i live in my own home, and graciously let this older man move in with me and my husband. it was supposed to help him out to get back on his feet, and take some pressure off me to care for my terminally ill husband. he leaves sometimes late at night and comes back sometimes with questionable people early hours of the moring or as early as 1am. do i have to answer the door and let him in.. he has tried to kick the door down when i didnt answer the door fast enough. i caught him on camera a few months ago stealing from us, he gave it back after confrontation. its been a nightmare

Our male tenant attempted to be chivalrous and supposedly started the physical confrontation.  

The way you made your demands sounds extremely confrontational.

Discussing this with your daughter before confronting the son in law will put her in a tough spot.

This could (in theory, worse case scenario) turn into the boyfriend confronting you- seems less than ideal or safe.

I would imagine that could also be a very confrontational situation.   

Or, in this case, if you don’t want a confrontation, go to your second choice!

Then when you confront them, they say it was all great...

I think they're a little too worried about confrontation and don't like to burn bridges unless necessary 

It isn’t taking place of a final inspection, however he is very confrontational about demanding a list of what he will be charged with.