You would be literally trying to split hairs by deciding on one SFH versus another in both markets. 

Lesson #3: Cover your hair.

If I do mail, it's through Fedex and it's for laser-targeted prospects on my list.

My only other thoughts are doing a horrible job painting over flaking paint, putting plywood up painting over that and getting the bank out of our hair that way..

I have a 60' x 60' kitchen, i want frameless kitchen cabinets in maple with full wood construction, let's just go with self closing, black galaxy granite countertops, grohe faucets Bridgeford Collection, the existing floor is a simple tile, so i would need you to rip all of the flooring and cabinet, then replace the floor with only honed travertine I don't like gaps so it will have to be laser cut with 1/32" gap maximum.

I could get a HELOC giving me access to 80% (say $64k) The hair brained idea is to find the people that operate in that area in either wholesale or flipping, and try to partner with them once they find a property that makes sense numbers wise for him and is a good home for me.

This would be like me saying I'd like to do other people hair for a fee, but I don't want to get a cosmetology license.  

Being former Military (thank you for your service) you understand Discipline, that is exactly what is required here along with laser focus like a sniper.  

Yes, they still exist but they are rare now and you are adding layers of hair on the deal with questions about contractors.

Good luck with your real estate endeavors (and your hair !!).