Stop rationalizing reasons why you don't want to do any of the solutions you listed, pick one, and live with it until the opportunity arises for that perfect exit.

What's disconcerting about you is that your uninvited opinions have the semblance of rationality.

You can also  make sure your loans have a high debt service coverage ration. 

If you dig into the report with a fine tooth comb and can find reasons flaws in the appraiser's rational for either adjusting a comp they way they did or including it at all, you can submit those to the bank and see what they say.

Don't try to over analyze a bad deal and try to rationalize ways that it could theoretically work out. 

I am about to start the process of applying for a HELOC but I was wondering what the banks look at other then my credit score, DTI ration, and employment history.

Why would any rational person get involved with a federal government program without being properly educated on it?

So if your monthly payments (including student loan payment) are $200 per month, but your income is $1000 per month, you have a debt-to-income ration (DTI) of 0.2.

Logic and rational conversations are not their specialty.

you said this is because they are inappropriately adding profit from other part of their business, unfortunately to me this sounds like you are just "rationalizing" that they are including profits they shouldn't be, because your profitability is lower.