Alternatively, go find a handyman who is gagging for work and willing to take $500 to paint a house.

Alternatively, I could hope that my next assignment will be in a better market with more options, maybe lower rates, and more cash on hand.Should I accept that no market is perfect and get in the game now, or hold out for a year to enter a potentially better market with more capital to invest?

Unfortunately, upon doing some initial research (including on biggerpockets and reading Brandon's book on real estate investing), its not always feasible to invest where we reside - do you alternatives in mind?

Hi, I am looking for some information as I am brand new to alternate financing.

And of course we were "going to end up being fried like a potato in nuclear holocaust", How do you plan your investing when everyone will be living in a Mad Max world. 

Then you'll close your BP account and go into hiding, not wanting to admit your failures and will forever curse real estate investing as just an alternative to gambling.So people underwrite to decompressed exit caps because they want to be the guy in the first example. 

Moving forward, a better alternative than hassling yourself and your guests with damage deposits is to just purchase damage insurance through a company called Safely for each booking.

Alternatively,  you can buy multiple smaller properties in a 1031 that combined add up to your initial sale value.  

My alternative is renting a crappy bedroom from someone else, which seems to start at 900$/m down the drain, and leave it empty most of the time.

That said, there are alternative property types that are in lower ranges.