A Little Election-Eve Levity

[Richard Warren]

Here is a light hearted look at things as this election is almost over...finally!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change!
All the chickens are ready for change! Even the road is ready for change.

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized
the need to engage in dialogue with the chickens on the other side of the road.
The chicken has prepared his whole life to take on the job of crossing this
road. Unfortunately he has waited until he is very old, and has selected a hen
to take over for him in case he doesn't make it...

SARAH PALIN: I am not going to answer the question the way reporters might like
to hear it -- but how I know Joe Six-pack and hockey moms want to hear it.
What's important is that we don't look backward to where the chicken has been,
but look forward. We need to view the chicken as a maverick who has a bold plan
for crossing that road -- a road that I can see from my house, so this gives me
real experience to answer this question.

JOE BIDEN: : The chicken crossed the road to get to the other side. I hope
by giving the correct answer, this is not seen as a putdown of Sarah Palin's
intelligence or that of her followers.

HILLARY CLINTON: As First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken cross
the road. But this really isn't about me: Although my experience makes me
uniquely qualified to ensure that every chicken in this country gets the
chance it deserves to cross that road in their lifetime.

GEORGE W. BUSH: The chicken crossed the road for freedom. Every chicken must
make a decision whether he is really with us or with the terrorists. There is
no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL: As I explained at the UN, the chicken was part of our
intelligence to locate weapons of mass destruction on the other side of the
road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross a road with that chicken. (pause) What is your
definition of chicken? Cross the road?? Hummmmm.

AL GORE: The chicken crossed the road on the Internet, which I invented.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against
it!

DR. PHIL: This chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on
this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the
road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not
taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he
wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his
mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken
a special gift -- a new car so that he can just drive across the road and not
live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have
not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road to talk to it
and ask the question.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it
in his beady eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: The chicken crossed the road looking for illegal immigrants on
the other side of the road, to make sure it was not stealing the job of a
decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I
had a standing order at the Farmer' s Market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

JERRY FALWELL: The chicken crossed the road because it is gay! Can't you people
see the plain truth? That's why they call it the other side. Yes, my friends,
that chicken is gay. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this
abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases
like the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain
and as simple as that.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens of the world crossing the road together,
in peace!

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads,
but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is
much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move
beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Darn - I missed one.

DICK CHENEY: I got it!

:cool: