No family support, only negative comments. What to do?

Staten Island, NY · Member since 2015 · 265 posts · 59 votes

Hello all! I am sharing my RE ideas with my mother and other close family members and I receive no support. Only comments such as bad tenants, you will go broke and save your money. No one thinks like me or likes to take any chances in my family. I really am just going to stop sharing any of my ideas with them altogether. Anyone go through this with close relatives?

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John Thedford

Real Estate Broker · Naples, FL · Member since 2013 · 9k+ posts · 6k+ votes

Here is what you do: prove them wrong!

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Richard Bradshaw
Investor · St Petersburg, FL · Member since 2015 · 127 posts · 39 votes
9y
@Eric DeVito My mom thought I was wasting my time investing, thought I'd lose my money. I ignored her and 3 rental properties later and other investments, she's asking me how she can invest also.
0 Reply
Anthony Angotti
Real Estate Agent · Pittsburgh, PA · Member since 2015 · 1k+ posts · 846 votes
9y
Hi @Eric DeVito
I've had some people say that you'll go broke, but the trick is to surround yourself with an artificial support network. Make friends with other investors, go to your REIA meetings, network on here, go to coffee with people, etc.
Build your own supportive network if the one you have isn't so supportive. Since you can't pick your family, just don't talk about REI with them....save it for your RE network :)
0 Reply
Karl W Law
Detroit, MI · Member since 2016 · 1 post · 1 vote
9y
My name is Karl and I reside in Detroit. I am a newbie as well and trying to get started. I have had some negative feedback myself. As all of you have encouraged Eric, I feel encouraged too. Thanks.
1 Reply
Par Attaran
Investor · Rocklin, CA · Member since 2016 · 83 posts · 77 votes
9y
My mom told me "I was stupid, and was going to lose all my money"
Couple months have passed, rent coming in, and now she wants to partner on the next deal
Muahahahahhahahaahahahaha
0 Reply
Shane Harrison
Charlotte, NC · Member since 2016 · 18 posts · 3 votes
9y
Good Eric Thomas quote is : it's your dream nobody owes you a dime if you want something go out and get it
1 Reply
Stan Hailes
Real Estate Agent · Washington, District of Columbia & Maryland · Member since 2015 · 24 posts · 2 votes
9y
Frank Sinatra said "the best revenge is massive success."
1 Reply
Kristopher HanksPro Member
Rental Property Investor · Davenport, FL · Member since 2016 · 593 posts · 382 votes
9y
@Eric DeVito Maybe I am being harsh, but why do you care what they think? I know, I know, it's your family, but I could care less what my family thinks about my investing. Once they all chip in and pay my bills, buy my house for me, pay for my SRT Hellcat, and Porsche, then and only then will I care what they think about my investing ideas. No one that I know of has ever became wealthy by "just saving their money." Turn down the volume and just go be you, and do you! If you want to share your ideas with someone send me a message. I will listen, be supportive and probably love all of your ideas.
2 Reply
Michael Boyer
Investor · Juneau, AK · Member since 2015 · 980 posts · 741 votes
9y
My first rental was a mid level condo that I rented to a Doctor. A few people I shared the idea with called me a slum lord (and it was a pretty nice condo at a fair market rent).
So I realized right away the negativity around REI some people have is not based on reason or rationality.
The activity gets some people out of their comfort zones. So it's no you; it's them.. A lesson I learned very early on. (And, yes, some of these same nay-sayers will ask advice in a few years after you have some success).
Best of luck!
1 Reply
Joe VilleneuvePro Member
Plymouth, MI · Member since 2013 · 13k+ posts · 19k+ votes
9y
First time someone asked me what I did, and I said "I wa a real estate investor", they looked at me as if I had the plague...I was going to sell them insurance.
Now, when asked the same question, I answer, "I'm a successful REI".
If on't have the plague anymore. Now, they ask me how.
0 Reply
Christian Hutchinson
Investor · Detroit, MI · Member since 2014 · 360 posts · 354 votes
9y
Your doing something thats lots of people just are not programmed or comfortable to do.
A large portion of the population the apply for a job, are told what they paid, are told when to show up, told what to do, and how.
RE Investing is VAST; lots of places to find your niche. Your are essentially becoming your own business. You become the beginning and end of the operation, you might make money one month, and lose it the next. You really control your own destiny. Thats not just RE Investing, thats ANYTIME you decide you want to start your own business. Self-determination is a liberating, exciting, and scary situation.
Some people just don't want that, and thats fine, life is full of choices. I still keep a 9 to 5, because I'm not ready or desire to live off RE Investments yet. I don't think I ever will, I like having both income streams.. You decided you want to try this. As crazy as this sounds you can exit faster and with less harm than leaving the military(lol).
I think there are only 3 people in the WORLD who became Billionaires working for someone else(versus owning/selling/starting a company or being born with a Billion) up until 2010ish. Eric Schmidt was the most notable one because he struck gold multiple times in getting into different Tech Companies as a Sr. Manager/Executive as they were moving to the forefront of their industry, thus enjoyed huge stock gains. SO I'm not saying your going to become a Billionaire but you'll get there faster/and much more likely owning the company than working for it.
Your taking a risk, you might fail. But its not the end of the world. You can try again, or walk away.
0 Reply
James Danchus
Saint Peters, MO · Member since 2016 · 193 posts · 37 votes
9y
Sorry, to hear that man. I am in a very similar situation myself. Prove them wrong and remember "Success is the best revenge."
1 Reply
Cory BinsfieldPro Member
Financial Advisor · Duluth, MN · Member since 2012 · 156 posts · 194 votes
9y
You can't pick your family, but you can pick your tenants.
Seriously, my Dad said I was making a big mistake investing in real estate when I first started. After getting to 50 units he told me he always wanted to get into real estate and my Mom wouldn't let him. He then said he was so proud of me.
Be careful of naysayers.
Podcast Guest on Show #86
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Blair G.
Investor · Jacksonville Beach, FL · Member since 2012 · 80 posts · 18 votes
9y
Make a deal happen and then walk around with a puffed out chest. JK. Negative people are all around. To succeed you must spend time with successful people.
0 Reply
Nancy E.
Rental Property Investor · Charlotte, NC · Member since 2015 · 128 posts · 29 votes
9y
Hello @Eric DeVito,
Unfortunately, family members cannot always see your dreams until there is evidence. Since the beginning of your journey will be hard and you will need emotional support at times, I suggest you locate a local REI meet up group for support.
Whatever you do - don't give up on your dreams. Real estate investing does work and can be your ticket to a different life.
Good luck and keep us posted on your success.
From Nancy
0 Reply
Graham Brunell
Boston, MA · Member since 2016 · 8 posts · 4 votes
9y
@Eric DeVito
When people tell you that you cannot do something, it is merely a reflection of their own belief that they cannot do that something. They do not have the confidence to take risks and get outside their comfort zone, so they try to keep as many people back as they can rather than propel them forward. All you have to do is stay focused and prove them wrong! It doesn't matter what they think when you tell them, it matters what they know after you show them.
-- Graham
3 Reply
Chris Low
Investor · Redding, CA · Member since 2016 · 180 posts · 102 votes
9y
Everyone is an expert - ESPECIALLY people who have never done it. I just tune them out. Basically, I stop talking about what I'm doing when it's clear they have no idea what they're talking about. It was hard at first, but now it's pretty easy because I know I have the experience and they don't. You are already FAR more knowledgeable than most people just by joining BP and doing your homework. Research does count, even if you haven't executed your first deal yet. It's too bad when people who are close to you won't support you but you have to believe in yourself. You will find a very supportive group here on BP who will tell you you're smart to invest in real estate, to educate yourself, and you're brave to jump in and actually DO something. Let those voices be the ones that carry you through. Tune out the negative. You can always reply to the negative people with 'well, I'm willing to take a chance. Doing nothing is not an option for me.' As long as they're not putting any money into the deal, it really doesn't matter if they like or approve of what you're doing or not. Keep going! You will get tons of support here from people who actually know what they're talking about. You're going to do great!
0 Reply
Account Closed
Investor · Mt. Laurel, NJ · Member since 2016 · 35 posts · 7 votes
9y
Dig in, do your homework, get started, prove them wrong.
0 Reply
Keaton Roberson
Salt Lake City, UT · Member since 2016 · 23 posts · 11 votes
9y
The book "Start" by Jon Acuff is a great resource to get over the hurdle begin your journey. It speaks on how to disqualify the negative comments from friends and family and follow your passion.
0 Reply
Christopher Hutchings
Wheeling, IL · Member since 2016 · 3 posts · 1 vote
9y
I feel your pain. I mentioned it to family and they "red lighted" me. You should really read RICH DAD POOR DAD. You have an entrepreneurial mind and are willing to take risks. Just make sure they are calculated (that way it's not a high risk).
You can't always rely on others to believe in your ideas. What you have to believe in is the financial freedom you will get in years to come.
I don't want to spoil the book.... Just read it! Good luck.
Chris
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Joel OwensBusiness Member
Moderator
Real Estate Broker · Canton, GA · Member since 2010 · 15k+ posts · 11k+ votes
9y
13 years ago when I started in real estate they were not positive. These days they can't believe how well I am doing.
Father in law was very conservative and a retired professor from a highly regarded college.
He believed a J-O-B had stability etc. Over the first 5 years he slowly moved from the (get a real job) camp to he thinks it is great I am having all this success and do what few achieve.
You have to do your own thing. Now if you are single and have no kids that is a different risk factor versus being married and having a family to support etc. So you need to make calculated decisions in steps to get where you want to go and be much more cautious with a family in tow.
Podcast Guest on Show #47
NNN Invest53 Reviews
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1 Reply
James Wallace
Eugene, OR · Member since 2016 · 1 post · 0 votes
9y
I only share casually. I also receive negative remarks for the most part. I strongly agree with John. Prove them wrong. Negativity will rise your fear. Avoid nah sayers and stay focused.
0 Reply
Tracy D.
Investor · Neptune Beach, FL · Member since 2015 · 143 posts · 172 votes
9y
If the crowd is going against you, you are probably doing something right. Keep going. Seek your support from those who have gone before you and successfully done what you aspire to do. Most times, people who have never done something, risked something, or aspired to do anything, are not open to seeing others do it either. If you have a passion, follow it.
0 Reply
Michael Lee
Investor · Coppell, TX · Member since 2008 · 2k+ posts · 646 votes
9y
Hello and welcome to BP! I think I have a few years on you and no matter what you do you have to be involved to make sure your company goals are being met. You can work a w-2 job and still invest in real estate or any company type you desire and let others run it daily but you still need to make sure they doing things right.
Do not pay much attention to those who have never done it. Network with those who have experience and could possibly teach you. Stop being a friend to people that do not act sucessful. To make the most you have to be involved in the business. There are plenty of ways you can invest in other things that are sucessful and make more than the Banks do.
I am from and was raised in a Dallas Texas and do not plan on leaving. With my major medical position has made me more involved with the Internet. For about 18 months now I have spent probably 8 to 10 hours each day on it and learning a lot. One thing I have learned that there are a bunch of people out there who are hoping to get some money out of your pocket and the Internet is being used without any seeming laws that are very flexible.
Many people out there that are and there are plenty of things that can help you as long as it makes you happy. There is plenty of people out there trying to make money off your emotions and you do not have to react too fast.
Good luck to you!
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Quentin Taborn
Oxford, NC · Member since 2016 · 17 posts · 11 votes
9y
I am also experiencing the same thing with not only family, but with some co-workers I consider friends as well. It's almost as if the concept of certain individuals becoming wealthy intimidates people. In the long run the same people we look to for encouragement ultimately become the same people looking to us for money when everything they said wouldn't work, works.
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Joel OwensBusiness Member
Moderator
Real Estate Broker · Canton, GA · Member since 2010 · 15k+ posts · 11k+ votes
9y
Some people have given up on their dreams and accepted mediocrity. So when they see you achieving and doing what they still wish they were working toward it's natural for them to feel uncomfortable and try to talk your success down as it makes them feel better about their own situation.
One big misconception is people think someone gets lucky and all this success happened to them. if you read almost any of the books of highly successful people they had many failures. Someone can take a failure as ( See I wasn't meant to the do this etc.) OR they can say ( This is a natural part of learning from my mistakes and getting better working toward what I want to achieve.) It's all mindset.
A large percentage of America collects a check and sees security where someone with an entreprenuial mindset sees being mediocre and held back from their full potential. There will be some that never understand no matter how many times you explain why you do what you do. They have that J-O-B mindset. As you succeed you will start making new circles of friends. I still do things 3 to 4 times a year with one of my childhood friends. He works odd jobs to get by and really tries but never seems to have that much luck getting ahead. So we just have fun when we go out and I pay for things when we do.
Podcast Guest on Show #47
NNN Invest53 Reviews
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